I’d Be Lying If I Said I’m Not Afraid Of Dog Flu.

Nat GeoRumors are spreading that the next flu pandemic may come from humanity’s best friends: dogs.

On Tuesday, researchers reported that they identified a new strain of dog flu, called H1N1, in dogs from southern China. If H1N1 rings a sickly green bell, that might be because a pandemic of swine flu went by the same name in 2009. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that the 2009 swine flu affected over 60 million people in the U.S. and killed more than 12,000.

So if Snoopy has the sniffles, do you need to lock him in quarantine? Here’s everything you need to know about dog flu.

Here’s everything you need to know about dog flu. It’s bad and we’re all going down. Basically back in 2009 when Swine Flu was making everyone shit their pants the virus mutated so that it could infect dogs too because apparently viruses can do that and now a lot of dogs in China are getting sick. Scientists tested the virus and it’s sorta similar to the Swine Flu so that’s how they know that happened. Don’t ask me anymore questions I’m just the messenger. Let’s address some FAQs.

Are we all gonna die?

Probably. I don’t want you to hold me to that but viruses that can jump from pigs to dogs can undoubtedly figure out a way to latch onto humans. My understanding of how this all works is the flu is basically like an invisible tick. They hop around from host to host and infect you until you die. Ticks also give you Lymes Disease and that’s pretty similar to the flu so this all adds up. The more you know.

Is my dog in danger?

Let me answer that question with another question. Why do you think they call it Dog Flu? Because it’s safe for dogs? Because dogs are the only species safe? NOPE. This flu was designed by satan himself to go after our beloved pups. No dog is safe. Scream it from the rooftops.

Do we have a vaccine for this flu strain?

Vaccine? Are you fucking kidding me. I can’t believe you would even ask me that. I don’t want to stir the pot but I’m pretty sure vaccines were invented by the Chinese as a way to kill babies. Don’t check me on that. All I’m saying is if you think injecting yourself with the dog flu is gonna protect you from the dog flu you need to get your ears and eyes checked, because fuck that’s stupid. You better start running. That’s your only hope.

Are Bonita fish big?

Ummm yeah actually they’re what’s called a “trophy fish”, so yeah, they’re pretty big. What a stupid question. We’re talking about Dog Flu assholes. And you wanna waste my time with questions about fishing? Get a life. Go read a book and stop bothering me with nonsense.

Okay that just about covers everything you need to know about Dog Flu I really hope this helped. Stay safe out there.

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