The Whole Game Changed When Rippon Got Here!

Adam Rippon has won the Olympics. We all felt it coming. When the opening ceremony ended, after his first skate, and especially after the interview with Mike Tirico. Adam Rippon had arrived and last night we needed Rippon. We needed him to save the Olympics.

The Winter Olympics have been abysmal. The ratings are pitiful, America isn’t even medaling, the events are boring and poorly attended, and the host city? Just bizarre.

Rippon’s butt was looking huge last night in his short program skate. Many alledging “butt pads” rumored for protection on the ice.

Stone Cold Steve Austin won the 1996 King of the Ring and we all felt his arrival then. It came through after a year’s worth of Raw is War appearances, Stone Cold Stunners, and a Wrestlemania XIII match vs Bret Hart.

July 16th, 2001 was the last time Steve Austin gave me chills as an active pro wrestler. Austin had come out that night unexpectedly to “save” Team WWF vs the other coalitions (as Vince had just purchased WCW/ECW to monopolize the wrestling world). Jim Ross was on the call and like always the combo of Jim and Austin delivered.

Last night, Adam Rippon gave us all those same chills. The combo of Weir/Lipinksi with Rippon on skates is a match made in heaven. They put him in the best skate slot because he IS the games biggest star.

The second they finally showed Rippon walking from the back halls onto the ice, I thought, “wait a minute, wait a minute Rippon’s here”, as he gave his patented wink/side smile snicker that we’ve seen so often over these games. But will Rippon come out here and get in the middle of this fight? Could he once again save the Olympics and save America?

The crowd’s anticipation for Rippon was at its zenith and then, finally, there’s Adam Rippon! Is it the Old Adam Rippon? Oh, he’s talking, he’s walking! Stunning spin, after stunning spin he delivered. The crowd knew it and the announcers felt it.

I thought he was tremendous last night. Between Chris Martin serenading us in the background and Adam’s hands flailing through the air, it was the perfect pairing. He skates with a gayness swagger unlike anyone else. Numerous world-class athletes past Olympians tweeted out their love and support last night, including the great OG of figure skating, Scott Hamilton. He skated, I at least thought, flawlessly, however, his score did not reflect that.

Rippon’s diet made headlines this week. He ate 3 slices of bread (and a shit ton of Adderall) a day for his current physique. 

Austin lost the Wrestlemania bout to Bret Hart but it didn’t matter and we knew then too. Adam Rippon has won the hearts of liberal America. What will follow for him will be talk show appearances, money from advertisers, and an invitation to VP Mike Pence’s shock therapy camp for homosexuals. Rippon’s 28. We can only hope that at 32 in Beijing in 2022, he can deliver again.

The whole game changed when Rippon got here.